When the Bad Words Slip Out

Previously published in The Other Paper, August 2018, written by Ellen M. Drolette

My daughter was about two years old when she said her first curse word.  There was no doubt in our minds she overheard this word being used by either myself or her father.  She was quietly playing with her little Fisher Price guy when we heard it.  My husband turned and said “Excuse me?” to her in a tone that she likely knew what he was asking.  She immediately responded with, “I didn’t say it, the little man said it.” So…it begins.  Children repeat what they hear, and they will keep repeating it if they know it gets a positive reaction, a giggle or is even a little bit triggering. I have had 25 years of caring for children to really analyze this behavior that usually begins with us trying not to laugh out loud, but growing more frustrated with an increase in use.

As an early educator, I have had my share of potty words said to me.  They have been used as an adjective and a noun.  The children have certainly realized which annoy me more.  They have tried them out on me for size, and no situation or way to handle this issue is ever the same. There have been the relatively non-threatening potty words. Poop, pee and poopy head at no one in particular. Used in
this manner, I ignore. “Poopy-Ellen” is the favorite as are many forms of the phrase Poopy in my program over the past several months.  After many attempts at ignoring it, talking about it, and ignoring it some more.  We have gotten in snuffed out some. However, it resurfaces when I least expect it with a vengeance, and it is as if the children know it annoys the $h*! out of me. Pun intended.

Here is the low down on what is known about children’s use of language, the good, the bad and the ugly. Please, DO NOT wash your child’s mouth out with soap as a means of discipline.  It is not an appropriate way to deal with any type of undesirable behavior.

Children are trying out language skills, especially in the toddler years.  They likely don’t know what some words mean even though the context could be right on.   Exposure to television, video games or other screen type activities could be one of the ways children are exposed to undesirable language. Children may realize that certain curse words get them attention when they use them to communicate anger or frustration.  Chances are if your little one is present when they see a big reaction from you they may mimic this in the same manner. 

Try not to overreact. Acknowledge big feelings of anger and frustration.  Try your best not to laugh. I have been guilty of this. If after a few times ignoring is not working, calmly talk to your child about words that aren’t nice to say.  If said child is a bit older, it is appropriate to let them know that some words are hurtful or offensive and giving a consequence for repeated use.   

Lastly, some words are not tolerated in some houses and allowed in others, a lesson that will be learned between preschool and 2nd grade.  My son ran into the house kindergarten one day to report some information, “Mommy, Johnny said the sh word at school
today.” I looked at him with my eyes wide and said: “oh my gosh, he said ‘shit’?”  He looked at me puzzled and replied: “no, he said ‘SHUT-UP’!”