Covid-19-Diary of an Early Childhood Educator

Aug 22

April 2nd, 2020

It has been exactly two weeks and one day since Governor Scott of Vermont gave an order to close all regulated early care and education programs in the state due to the global pandemic.

Initially, most people thought that this would be a short quarantine, and life would return to normal. In my head, I thought this couldn't last THAT long, could it? Maybe Families would manage for awhile juggling work from home, schooling, and having no child care for a few weeks. The day the order was placed, there were 19 positive Covid-19 cases and two deaths in our state. Just two weeks and two days later, there are close to three hundred people who have tested positive for the virus. That is sobering. In New York State, it is scary. Tens of thousands of people are sick and dying. They aren't expecting the peak of this virus for 45 days.

My usual, optimistic, positive, and grateful persona is being challenged around every corner. Not by people, because it's just my husband and I. It is being challenged by myself. I am struggling.

As I am two weeks into the "Stay at Home, Stay Safe" Order in Vermont, I have felt a myriad of emotions. Guilt. I had to close my program and, I can't open for essential workers. Families are working, and I can't help. I am a helper. Sadness. Blue, very blue. I was feeling depressed one-week into the order—lots of tears for the helplessness. Resilience, I am resilient. I need to use this time efficiently and not waste one bit of it. I will focus and just get shit done. I got the said "shit" done. Realization. The realization that this may go on longer than anticipated. The realization that the children will be in a different developmental space then they were when I last saw them. They will have started crawling, walking, signing, and talking. Their speech will be exploding. They will become more independent. They will be using the potty. They may even be getting ready to leave my program for their next big adventure. I am mourning the losses of the milestones I am missing from "my kiddos." I am grieving.

April 9th

Beginning week 3. Emotion: Busy. Nervous. Overwhelmed, maybe. I am not sure. I don't know what I am feeling. I need connection now more than ever. There is a hole I see people going into on social media that involves obsession over the current status of the world, their immediate world, and the global pandemic. Zoom calls, phone calls, e-mails, Pinterest boards, Facetime, and professional development all are keeping me glued to a chair and my computer. I could not have imagined how busy I would be while simultaneously not being busy at all.

Keeping emotions in check and not seeing my grown children and grandchild since February has been challenging. Two of my adult children are essential workers. One does not have PPE and yet will go out and remove children from abusive homes worried about the trauma of said children from removal and them not seeing her face. One wears a mask from the moment he steps foot into work to take care of the sickest and tiniest humans in Boston and does his very best to protect them from what is happening around him. One works from home and is doing her job to the best of her ability under these circumstances. I am proud, scared, and concerned. I am worried on many levels. All three of their spouses are furloughed until we are on the other side of this.

My parents are 78 and 79 years old. They are currently living in North Carolina, close to my siblings. They are spry and not easily kept in one place. The pandemic is hard for them. They usually travel from down south up north in the Spring for the Summer in Vermont in their RV. I am encouraging them not to do this because we know this is not ending soon. They are at risk, and stopping on the way to Vermont scares all of us. They have decided to stay put for now.

April 21st, 2020

We are 34 days into the "stay at home order. I have been taking virtual classes and preparing to teach two classes. These tasks alone have allowed me to revisit my core values. Reevaluate: "What is my why?" I am passionate about children getting what they need. I am passionate that they get time and space for unstructured play. I am passionate about the importance of being in nature and outside. I am passionate about helping early educators find their meaning and reconnect with their why.

I am authentic, optimistic, positive, grateful, and genuine in my love and connection with people. That is my why.

I still find myself on an emotional roller coaster, but I am navigating it better. I am acknowledging my feelings and just allowing myself to feel them. Exploring my emotions is half the battle and allowing it to be okay.

May 29th, 2020

In the past month, I have testified to the House and Human Services Committee, I have been on a call with U.S. Congressman Peter Welch and participated in a call with U.S. Senator Leahy's staff about the current state of early childhood. I've been on calls with colleagues and policymakers about returning to work, what it may look like, and what is needed for supplies.

This week was hard. I cried a lot. I posted something on my Facebook page that was so unlike me. Appropriate, but not like me to post so much and be vulnerable to social media.

I wondered if people who are detached from early childhood issues are aware of what is happening. Or are they? I started to think more deeply about disparities in the system.

Community members go to the polls in many communities to vote on 25-50 million-dollar school budgets for public school systems with less than 3000 students for 178 days of school. Yet, our state systems talk about the "bailout/stabilization/start-up grants" that The State of Vermont has given to Early Childhood regulated programs as if they have fixed the long-standing problems in ECE. Maybe, ECE needs a new system altogether.

Here is the real deal, after years of being undervalued, underfunded, and treated like glorified babysitters. There is an awareness by every CEO, actors, business leaders, and teachers know that they can't work effectively without early childhood programs. There was a sudden understanding of what it means to be with a child many hours a day. It is complex. Children have lots of big emotions. Furthermore, people have realized they cannot be as productive when they have a child that refuses to nap day after day after day.

I posted to my Facebook page a post that highlighted how I was feeling at that moment. The post was just after learning that two campus programs were closing. These programs have had the privilege over the past several years to have the colleges cover their shortfalls in budgets. It points to the actual failure in our system. I am devastated by the loss of these programs and the ones to come. Post to follow:

“I want to make sure you all are aware of what is happening in the early care and education world. If you don't follow early childhood education as I do, you may not know that it is estimated that 50% of programs will not make it through this crisis. (NAEYC)

Much has happened over the past ten weeks, and it is hard to grapple with how I am now. My usual optimistic, happy-go-lucky attitude is being challenged in every possible way.

Ten weeks of not caring for children, and I am exhausted. I am exhausted from advocating, explaining, justifying, testifying, writing, asking, wishing, pleading, and from many, many hours at a computer. This early childhood system has been underfunded and undervalued for....well...forever

I heard some rumblings about Governor Scott's update today. Many early educators were not happy about how ECE was represented. Yes, we are fortunate to live in a state like Vermont that values early care and education enough to see us through to the other side of a pandemic with a stabilization program.

My friend, Dawn, would say. "Yes, that is great, we are so lucky AND it's not enough." She is right.

The state has talked about start-up grants to help ECE programs with funding for cleaning supplies and bridging some gaps. We did receive the amount for those stipends today. While it is helpful for sure, it is currently only covering a fraction of lost income from gaps in enrollment and the increased amount of supplies needed.

As we all navigate this time, keep in mind that programs are struggling. I am doing okay, but centers and some family child care programs are simply not doing okay or will not make it.

When you hear about the stabilization program in Vermont and the millions of dollars spent, remember that it has kept your program afloat and spread over the many children and programs. Also, KNOW this...many programs are still waiting to get paid. Yes, that's true. Many of us are still waiting to be paid, including me.

Please take the time to research this. Early childhood programs in Vermont are not getting bailed out.”

I have cared for one of the children close to five years (had the family for seven years) is not returning to the program. He was scheduled to be moving on in September when he turns five. The family chose to keep him home; they are worried about the virus and have fallen into a routine as a family. I respect their choice and have loved this family as if they are my own. After seven years in the program with two children, you learn about the family and become an extension of each other. I feel robbed by the Coronavirus. Corona has stolen time from me, six months, I wanted to be able to plan our transition. It wasn't a proper good-bye from the children or myself. I am so sad.

On the business end, I thought with full enrollment that I would be fine and be able to use the restart grant to recoup funds for supplies. That grant will not fully cover the tuition gap from one child unenrolling. It is creating a shortfall, in addition to the purchases of PPE and cleaning supplies.

As I reflect on this with a small family child care program, I am worried about my colleagues who have larger programs and have lost up to 50% enrollment. I don't think any of us anticipated that. I am thankful.

As a group of my peers spoke to a reporter this week, I said that "I am one of the lucky ones, I hope I don't eat my words," as I reflected on having one child unenroll through this all.

Friday, May 29th, 2020

I am getting ready to reopen. I have found a source for gloves in the knick of time, ordered surface sanitizer, and hand sanitizer. Hand sanitizer came at the cost of 95.00 a gallon. I have spent a lot of money on the products to be able to open. Disinfecting wipes have been nearly impossible to find, and when they are found, there is a strict limit on how many can be purchased.

I am not feeling anxiety about opening; I am super excited to see everyone. I miss the children and their families.

THE RESTART

June 1st, 2020

I am up early and ready to start the day. I feel prepared. Four children are returning. One has unenrolled, that space is to be filled at the end of the summer.

The sixth space is my youngest child in care; he is close to turning a year old. I have missed a ton of milestones for that little guy. His mama is a teacher, and he will be home for the summer. I am so thankful for the income regardless.

The updated guidance (updated again in May 2020-see link) that came out from Vt. Department of Health said that if we were outside, we would not have to wear facial coverings if we were social distancing. I plan to be outside as much as humanly possible. I wanted to be able to have the children eat, nap, and be changed outside. I created a changing area with proper disinfecting, diapers, wipes, and a fold-down changing table. We went inside at regular intervals for handwashing and toileting. My husband had an easy-up canopy for the deck that the children could sleep under, and we could use it as an outdoor play space. On the first day, I simply brought out books as they need time to adjust to just being back. The first week is short days to allow time for all of us to transition to this change.

Even though I had done Zoom calls and Facetime with the children, I was convinced that the drop-off was going to be anything but smooth. The new sign-in process went well. Families wore masks, and two children walked in wearing their masks, they ripped them off almost immediately. As children arrived, I greeted them with open arms and tears in my eyes. We hugged with long hugs, and the children had huge smiles. I did too, but they couldn't see it. I think they knew. Families now must do drop-offs and pick-ups in the back yard. Temperatures are taken with an infrared thermometer, non-touch while I wear gloves, gloves are removed after temp, I sign them in, and then families and myself sanitize hands. Both the parents and I wear masks. If one family happens to show up while another is there, everyone stays distanced appropriately.

Before reopening, I met with each family virtually to review changes. I asked parents to apply sunscreen and bug spray before coming in the morning to save a step for me and also save myself several pairs of gloves required.

Each child waved good-bye to their parent like they had not missed a day. They wanted to see their friends, play someplace else, and gain their independence back.

Two stayed for a nap, and two left just after lunch. The two that stayed slept outside on their nap mats and fell fast asleep.

Early pick-up time went smoothly; one Mom reported that her daughter fell asleep within five minutes of lying down for bedtime.

I would say that the day went extraordinarily well.

June 2nd and 3rd went much the same way. Very well. All I had worried about wasn't awful. Probably because we were outside, and that made the extensive cleaning inside extremely easy.

The time factor was everything I thought it would be. It took a long time.

On the night of June 3rd, I sat down to look at my e-mails. I had received an e-mail from the family who is a teacher staying at home for the summer. They were letting me know that they were unenrolling. My heart dropped as I read the words. I was so secure and feeling like everything was going to be okay even though I had this small gap with one child unenrolling, and now here I was with a third of my program gone. I was heartbroken. I was suddenly in the same space as my colleagues. Remember, when I said, "I hope I don't eat my words." Yeah. I just did.

There is much movement happening right now among Early Childhood Education. Programs who routinely never have openings are finding themselves with spaces.

I cried for probably the 800th time this week, this family reassured me and told me how much they love me. I am grieving again, grieving what used to be—grieving the group that I used to have.

Thursday, June 4th

I followed up with a family I had met with in December with the sweetest baby. Perhaps, they were ready to commit to a space being closer to August. They were looking for child care space in late August. They chose a nanny share because of the accessibility challenges they were facing pre-COVID. I would make calls on Friday to deal with the open space.

My day with the kids was great, we went for a walk around the neighborhood and explored all of the flowers blooming in neighbor's gardens. It is odd to walk by houses mid-week and see cars and people in their houses working from home; you could see heads at their kitchen tables with computers in front of them. Some people were sitting on porches with headsets and laptops; the children would wave as they passed by any person. They are missing human connections with other people.

We succeeded four days of outside naps. Never has this been done before at this program. Here and there, once or twice a season, maybe. I am so happy that the kiddos embraced this as well.

The program has a new pick-up time at 5 p.m. that was going into effect in May way before Coronavirus had arrived in the United States. Cleaning is taking over an hour each day between what must be done both inside and out. It explains why many programs have changed their hours to end their days at 4:00 or even 4:30. It is a lot.

By the morning of June 5th,2020, I had filled the space that had just become vacant. While I am happy about the outcome, they are moving the child from another program. I know this puts another program in the same position I had just been in.

As I reflect on this first week, I am still trying to get a complete grasp on the impact the pandemic has had on our economy and system. Maybe this spotlight on ECE is a blessing in disguise. Maybe this is what needed to happen to be recognized as a value to the economy.

The challenges that remain are the supply chain and whether or not programs will be able to continue to procure what is needed to run in the way they are required. 50% vacancy rate is as devastating for a family-home based program like any other program. It can create an economic hardship.

The challenges that I have had to consider in reopening is the psychological effects children will have if programs have to close again. What happens if I get sick and need to close for a period? What happens if we learn more about how this virus affects children, and they should not have been in care at all?

The aspect that many people don't understand about the economics of a family child care home is that the 50 hours that a program is open is just what people see. They don't see the hours of professional development spent in the evening or on weekends. They don't know about the hours of research on children with challenging behaviors to try and make better connections, the repairing, painting, raking, and constant upkeep of the business beyond the 50 hours a week with children. People don't see my husband subsidizing my program by putting up a fence, building a new deck, making repairs to the bathroom, painting the classrooms, and fixing a ceiling leak. They don't see him doing the bank runs and the bookkeeping for my business. If people saw those hours compounded with the standard 50-hour workweek and considered the hourly, people would see that it is not what it appears.

However, would I encourage people to do this work? Absolutely. I choose to put in extra hours because I want to run a high-quality program. I am committed to life-long learning and think that I am a better teacher and leader in my community because of the time I put in.

When I think of the future of early care and education, it worries me on many levels. Family child care homes were dwindling in numbers before the pandemic. In my town alone, there were close to close to 300 programs in the '90s. That number is now 19 family child care programs and 38 child care centers.

The National Association for the Education of Young Children shared data they collected on March 17th, 2020. Roughly 30% of respondents from across the U.S. said they would not survive closure of longer than two weeks without public investment to pay rents, mortgages, and overhead expenses as I continue to look at these numbers and watch as families decide to keep their children home. I worry that we will see programs have to make some tough choices about whether they can afford to stay open with the increased cost of running a business with such razor-thin margins.

Starting an early education and learning school is an opportunity for entrepreneurially minded men and women who are ready to take a bold step. Accessibility to high-quality infant and toddler care continues to be an obstacle for families across the country. Early care and learning programs of all types are needed, small, large, home-based programs, and center-based programs. There is room for everyone in this system. There is also always room at the table for more advocacy.

Anyone that plans to start a profession in early childhood education should consider a family child care home. Creating connections with colleagues, network, and ask questions. Being prepared to open the business and doing the work upfront is essential for setting the stage for success. Create a philosophy and mission statement before starting a family child care business stating how and what children will learn is essential to families. It's important to know what you stand for as a business and a person. These statements define your beliefs. Clients should be able to read it and have some idea if they agree with you. Learning through play is vital to me; I believe this is how children learn the best and the most organically. Children will learn to write shapes and forms as they gain control with fine motor skills; these skills are advanced through developmentally appropriate, open-ended activities that I offer to children. My most important job as an early childhood educator is to help children to flourish socially and emotionally. When this happens, the rest of the development in all areas happens. For myself and the families that I work with, the goal is to build a strong foundation in the first five years of life so they may succeed in the next 85 years. My goal is not to make them "kindergarten-ready" but to make them life-ready.

I believe my future will continue to shine bright in this field. I had ten weeks to reflect on my work with the field, children, and families. I missed my work; I missed the in-person connections. I missed the snuggling after their nap each day. I don't think the Coronavirus saga is over just yet. I am hoping that as epidemiologists learn more and we move toward a vaccine that we will be able to fully start hugging our loved ones again and leave our homes without masks. In the meantime, I plan to keep doing what is developmentally appropriate for very young children—hugging, loving, listening, and creating opportunities for growth in all areas. This work is hard. It is even harder when you have to wear a mask and do copious amounts of sanitizing of surfaces and handwashing of yourself and children while also monitoring the drool on yourself. Early childhood educators are a hearty bunch; we will get through this.

To be continued….